What NOT to Say

Hey guys! This was a frequently asked question. I can't speak for all black people, but I hope this helps.

I'll start with a topic you'll hear about a lot. Hair. Obviously hair differs from person to person, but race to race as well. Many black people have hair in the 3c-4c range. For those of you who don't know what that is, I'll attach a hair chart below. For me, hair was something that made me feel the most out of place because of the comments people would make.

• "Just brush your hair" or "Your hair looks poofy, did you not brush it?": These statements are wrong and hurtful for several reasons. A brush will not do for me what it would do for someone with straight hair. Rather than going down straight and smooth, it will either go out or out and frizzy. Our hair isn't meant to be super flat. It's thick and full of life. Just because it doesn't look like yours doesn't make it any less beautiful.

• "Can I touch your hair": Some people may not have an issue. I, like many others, do. Just assume the answer is no. Would you like it if you spent hours or maybe even did something overnight for the perfect hairstyle and came to school only to have 30+ people touch it and ruin it in an hour? Just think about that, and admire from a distance. Curiosity is normal, but respect is more important.

• "You look prettier with your hair straight": No matter the intentions behind it, hurts beyond explanation. Especially hearing this from a young age it teaches you that you are not enough. That unless you have Eurocentric features you will never be considered beautiful. It takes a long time to build up the confidence and self-love to offset these types of comments.

• "You speak really well.": A microaggression, one of the worst forms of racism. For more information on microaggressions, read the "I want to be Educated. Now What?" post. By saying this you are insinuating black people cannot be well-versed.

• "You people": I feel this is pretty self-explanatory. Marginalizing groups is never okay. Any statement following the phrase "you people" has a high chance of being offensive.

• Asking if we know how to cook or eat a lot of (insert stereotypical food): Pretty much the same reasoning as the statement above. We are not all the same, so to treat us as such is disrespectful.

• The N-word: I think this should go without saying, but the fact that I even have to include this shows how much change is still needed in the world. Whether it ends in -gga or -gger it is still a harsh word coming from a dark past. A word many have heard right before they die. Just because many members of the black community have decided to reclaim the word and use it as slang, that in no way means that the rest of you can use it as well. I don't even use the word. It makes me feel bad about myself every time I hear it. There are no passes and no exceptions. The rule is simple, if you aren't black, don't say it.

• Saying we remind you of some famous black person you saw recent: Chances are we do not look like that person at all. In 3rd grade, my mom volunteered with the PTA. One of the moms told my lightskin mother that she reminded her of Minnie from The Help (Octavia Spencer, a darkskin actress). They look nothing alike. It's offensive and it is rude.

• Starting a conversation, especially we have rarely if ever spoken before, with "I'm taking a trip to Africa.": First of all, many of us don't know where in Africa we came from or know our own history. It's no secret why. Second, Africa is a continent, not a country. Specify where you are going. Do not marginalize an entire continent.

• Using slang that is not in your day-to-day vocabulary when talking to a black friend/coworker. : This is especially inappropriate in a workplace setting. Black professionals are not any different from anyone else. Assuming that we are unprofessional and using slang and ghetto language to communicate only further perpetuates harmful stereotypes.

For more information on this topic, you can also read the microaggressions section of the post entitled "I Want to Be Educated. Now What?" I hope this helped. If you have any more questions feel free to reach out :)

communication bubble image via Unsplash